Well, I didn’t get it.
Again,
and again,
and again.
I’m actually quite pissed at God right now. People have told me I shouldn’t be. But I can’t help how I feel. And I’m angry.
He gave me this talent and as of right now I have no way of expressing it. It’s like a bottle rocket about to explode and kill me.
I have cried and thought. I was waiting to hear and I just didn’t hear…so I poked around. I honestly thought I had it this time. I sang really well. The music director even told me how delightful and talented I was, in front of everyone. And I still didn’t get it. Unfortunately, the dance part was without a mirror, and I was in the back, and my dyslexia sometimes kicks in in dance auditions. And of course I was in the first group. I messed up the steps, but I am a good dancer. Honest I am. Ugh.
I don’t have much else to say. I have gone a year now without getting cast in anything new. And I’ve tried more this year than I ever have before. My Facebook friends are sharing a meme that asks you to list your top 5 dream roles. All this does is make me so sad. My dream role is just to be cast in something, again.
Maybe God will come through at the 11th hour? Don’t I still have faith that he does that kind of thing?
Is it just holding out false hope?
Really, being cast in this was the only thing I wanted for Christmas.
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